It was a beautiful summer day in west Sonoma County. My dear friend, Kelly Jeanne and I were sitting peacefully on the banks of the Russian River. I remember this experience and time in my life so vividly. How safe I felt in my friendship with Kelly, the way we were sitting in silence, quietly observing the world around us with such curiosity and ease. How raw and open I was, moving towards creation and joy. How open I was to the idea that I could manifest positive interactions, amazing opportunities and most of all, the life I wanted for myself. I remember how I said yes. Yes to a day trip to the Yuba river. Yes to laying by the river all day with my best friend. Yes to extra on call shifts. Yes to new social opportunities and friendships. Which all led to saying yes when Kelly asked me if I wanted to quit my job and travel to East Africa with her for six weeks. That’s a story for another time, but definitely a good one. This was the beginning of me cracking WIDE open.

As we sat there, soaking in the sun, I noticed we both became aware of a young mother and her two babies. She had an ease about her, a confidence that intrigued me. I didn’t have kids at this time and I remember admiring her, a complete stranger. I noticed the way she encouraged her children to explore, the way she quietly observed them playing, the way she comforted them when they needed her. I remember thinking how extremely present she was. And how beautiful it was to be in her presence, quietly observing with love and admiration.

At some point, she noticed us watching her. She didn’t get uncomfortable or feel judged. I think she welcomed our gazes, our curiosity. As she walked by us, she smiled and softly said, “this is the stuff of life, ladies.” I remember thinking at the time what a perfect thing to say and how I instantly began to ponder those words. To this day, I am in love with those words. If you could actually be in love with words anyway.

Those words have stayed with me over the years, through all the stages of life I have experienced since then. I have found myself saying it to others, pausing in big and little moments to remind myself, this is the stuff of life. Over the years I have been on a mission to define the stuff of my life. What was the stuff that changed my life? What stuff brought me immense joy? What stuff makes me feel alive? What stuff broke me? What stuff hurt? What stuff still hurts? What stuff do I carry with me? What stuff continues to harm me? What stuff heals me? What stuff really matters? What stuff is just stuff? I could go on forever and I have.

I continue to bring my attention to the stuff of life, the stuff of my life. As I continue to embrace who I am, to better understand myself, to heal myself, I feel compelled to be vulnerable, to get brave, to be honest. Because that is who I am. I am a person who values a deep, intentional connection to myself, to the people I’m in relationship with and to the world around me. I feel most myself when I am learning more about myself, healing a deeper part of myself and connecting with others in a raw, honest way. Community is also very clearly a core value of mine. My desire is to create space for me to show up as ME. To share what’s on my heart. To make space for the stuff of life. Subscribe and follow along as I stumble my way through life, motherhood, relationships, my career and give the stuff of my life the attention it deserves.

Be sweet to yourself,

Holly