Just a few weeks ago, we celebrated Mother’s Day. Typing “Mother’s Day” provokes so many thoughts and emotions for me. AND this is less about Mother’s Day and more about the trial and error in finding a balance as a working mom that actually works. For me. It just so happens that in this particular story, the most recent time I realized I needed to adjust my schedule, became clear on Mother’s Day.

I had a lovely Mother’s Day. All I wanted was to beautify our yard and spend one of the first warm weekends at home with my babies and husband. We spent the weekend planting flowers, working in our garden, and making our yard cozy for the warm season ahead. I was served breakfast, sipped mimosas in the sunshine and was showered with homemade cards and lots of love. On Sunday evening as the weekend was coming to a close, I sat on our new outdoor swing cuddled up with my oldest son. The twinkly lights glimmered, we pointed at the first stars to make an appearance and anxiously awaited the sight of the moon. It was all beautiful and lovely and exactly how I wanted to spend the weekend. Then out of nowhere, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. The kind that fills your eyes with tears and your mind with confusion. Then just as quickly as the sadness flooded in, shame followed. Which prompted more sadness. You get the cycle.

I began to process out loud with my husband, because that’s what I do. I named the sadness. Attempted to justify why my feelings of sadness were unwarranted by expressing gratitude and appreciation for my husband, my boys and the beautiful weekend we just had. How could I be sad after such a lovely weekend? What does that say about me? What’s wrong with me?

Then I remembered, two things can be true.

I took a breath. I created real space for the sadness. I held curiosity, dug a little deeper and soon the shame was gone. It’s so interesting how conditioned we are to shame ourselves, to minimize our emotions at all costs. As if the emotions make us less than or weak or any other self deprecating adjective. Much of my inner work has been centered around this exact thing. I often don’t feel valid in my emotions, especially the not so pleasant ones like anger or sadness. Here I was being given another beautiful opportunity to reject shame and allow myself to feel.

Once I was able to hold compassion for myself and seek to understand what was off for me, things became clear. I had been feeling burnt out, tired, and the sadness came as I was headed into another week, with no plan to take care of myself or stop this cycle of burn out. Taking the time to acknowledge my feelings and to better understand them, allowed me to sit in my own support section. I was able to make small changes in my schedule over the next week and I felt a rush of relief. I practiced self love and we’re all better for it.

This situation prompted more I wanted to share. To get real about. I recognize that I am in a unique position as a private practice therapist to have a lot of control over my schedule. And I also think we can all take back control, to choose to do things differently, to reject the glorification of busy. Within reason. We all need to make money. And I think we all deserve to thrive, to have a life that brings you joy. So firstly, how can we attune to ourselves more, creating space for our experiences? How can we get a little braver, dig a little deeper, and seek to understand ourselves more? Then how can we meet our own needs, carving out time for ourselves amidst a busy schedule, change our schedules to better support our wellbeing, and empower ourselves to live our lives fully? Only you can decide.

Be sweet to yourself,

Holly