I often have people coming to my practice with symptoms of depression and anxiety. These are by far the two most common presentations I work with. At this point in my career and in my personal life, I am so intrigued by the prevalence of these symptoms. I, too, experience anxiety. Which prompts more curisoty. Why are we all so anxious? Or sad? What are we missing?

I think there are many reasons for the rise in anxiety. We are spending too much time on our phones, scrolling our days away. We spend less time in nature. We are insanely busy. We don’t move our bodies in ways that feel good. We lack community and connection with others. We are financially strained. We are constantly comparing ourselves and our lives to others. I could go on and on.

The more I hold curiosity, the more I find myself coming back to the same place. Largely, I believe we are all anxious because we are all so disconnected from ourselves. We lack a deep connection with who we really are. Maybe not at all times, but enough of the time that we begin to feel anxious.

So many aspects of modern life encourage distraction. I can’t help but wonder what we are we distracting ourselves from? From ourselves? From uncomfortable feelings? From our truth? Or are we completely unaware there is something to be distracted from? Distraction only deepens the disconnection we feel. Conversely, what are we doing that actually encourages connection? Are we connecting with ourselves at all? Are we thinking about how our bodies feel at any given moment? Or are we just on auto pilot, pushing through. Are we acknowledging and creating space for our emotions? Or are we avoiding them at all costs? Are we asking ourselves what we need throughout the day? Or are we just filling our precious and very limited free time with more distractions?

I wouldn’t want to have this conversation without also recognizing that we all have our own experiences and often being in our physical bodies, connecting with ourselves, does not feel safe. I recognize the function of distraction and at times the need for it. And I have so much compassion for it. And I also think it’s imperative we all try to find ways to connect with ourselves more.

I believe an effective way to start reconnecting with ourselves, is to explore our core values. It sounds simple, but trust me, it’s important and more involved than you might realize. If I asked you what your top three values are at this season in your life what would you say? Our values may stay pretty consistent but certain values will rise to the top depending on what is happening in your life, what stage of life you’re in, etc. Something I’ve also found is that people tend to take on values from their parents or their upbringing. Which is great! AND we don’t always define that value for ourselves, limiting our ownership over it. You and I might both value family, but my definition of family or how that value plays out in my life may be different than yours. So what are your values? And how have you created ownership of them?

Once you are clear on what your top three values are and more importantly, why they are so important right now, then we can begin to explore how these values are showing up in your life. Are you living a life aligned with these values? Are your actions aligned with your values? Are you intentionally bringing your values into the conversation when making decisions? In what ways are you acting outside of your values? And Why? What are the barriers to honoring who you really are? Maybe you are. And maybe there’s more awareness to be had.

When we are able to explore our values on a more personal, deeper level, we begin to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. We become more connected. Then we can become more aware of ourselves, of our actions, of our intentions, of our misalignment. We can then begin to recognize disconnection more quickly, repairing and regaining balance through engagement in the things we know foster self connection. We can become proactive, intentional participants in our lives.

Next time you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, ask yourself if you’ve connected with yourself lately. Have you done something you enjoyed recently? Have you spent time outdoors? Have you created stillness and listened to your body?

Next time you feel guilty, ask yourself, have I acted outside of my values? Because that is what guilt is. The feeling you have when you act in ways that are not aligned with your values. I would argue that if we do this enough, we develop anxiety and the function of anxiety is to encourage reconnection.

If you value financial stability but have been recklessly spending, you may experience guilt as this is not aligned with your values. If you value kindness and treating others well, but then engage in gossip, do you feel guilty? If you value self love, but continue to talk negatively to yourself, shaming yourself, do you feel misaligned?

I encourage you all to explore your values. To connect with yourself. To pay attention to times when you feel most connected. Allow the anxiousness to teach you something, prompting a deeper exploration. Mostly, I encourage you all to turn off auto pilot and to start thinking about things a little deeper. And mostly to empower yourself to live a life that feels good for you.

Be sweet to yourself,

Holly